After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
