Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
40s are totally the cure
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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