wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
