You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I cut my penus on the lid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
