but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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