she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
