Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
