i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
