Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
True strength comes from lack of pants
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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