we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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