sarcasm needs its own font
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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