i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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