Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
