I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
