just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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