One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
