That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
