We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
