she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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