Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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