You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just googled if crying burns calories
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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