Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Someone shit on the floor
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
