you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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