I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
