I met the friendliest cop last night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
