He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
