I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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