4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
