he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
