I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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