everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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