so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
