Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
