please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
