i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
