evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
