And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A bitchslap is in order.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize