Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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