ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize