Got a toothbrush?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
