i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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