we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize