Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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