Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
