Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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