She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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