hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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