Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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