i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize