Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
