Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
