I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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