You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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