he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
