Please, let me fuck your mom
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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