It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
