There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
