It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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