she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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