I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
