the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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