I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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