Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
