Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize