I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
