yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I forgot how hot balto sounded
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
