you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
