You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
