What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
