so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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