It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
