It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
