We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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