I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
