I haven't been this sober since birth.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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