i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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