Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
