just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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