I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
