FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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