An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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