Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
do herpes really smell.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize