I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
