You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
