I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
