dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize