I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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