true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
