the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Quick, to the slutcave!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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