We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
