i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
