Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
