She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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