I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
