That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
