Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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