This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
this just has baby written all over it
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
