He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
